Little Big Things

“Because we don’t know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that’s so deeply a part of your being that you can’t even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.”
– Paul Bowles The Sheltering Sky

It seems like we are always looking forward to something. Small kids want to be big kids, big kids want to be teenagers, teenagers want to be adults, adults dream about retirement, etc…

A few times in my life it has hit me that I don’t necessarily want time to keep marching forward. One time was on the occasion of my 22nd birthday. Twenty-one was a very fun age to be, the height of youth and vigor with the realization that the world is full of unfolding possibilities. When I turned 22 I felt the loss of something that could never be replaced. Each of us who live that long gets 1 shot at being 21, and no amount of will or wishful thinking can stop time from moving forward.

More recently I felt this same sense of loss coming on when my youngest son turned 12. This is his last year before becoming a teenager, and I am hanging on to the notion that he might occasionally still prefer to spend some time with me over his other options. At the same time I realize that both boys (Jake is now 14) are becoming increasingly independent, and we only have a handful of years left to set\influence the agenda.

The point about not knowing when we will die expressed in the Sheltering Sky quote is certainly true. I am operating on the assumption that I still have 3, 4 or maybe even 5 more decades or so to my life, but acknowledge that misfortune can hit anyone, anywhere at anytime. One certainty is that each of our times will come, and although we have some influence as to the quality and length of life we will have, there are factors well beyond our control that might have their own way.

I think the best way through is to not live in fear of the ending, but rather to accept it and live life in such a way as to make the most of now. In the end this is all that we can be certain about.

I often think about life as one long baton race. A large part of the early years are spent getting ready for the race, then before you know it you are in the race and driving hard to get somewhere (although in reality we are for the most part running in circles), and then you are doing what you can to pass the baton to those who will carry it forward to the future. The transitions in this race are not entirely clear, but what is true is that humanities progress is multi-generational. Before we know it our run around the track will come to an end and others waiting for their chance will take our place

Ann Lamont’s expression, “100 years from now? All new people”, reminds us that we shouldn’t take ourselves, our troubles or achievements too seriously. Our best efforts can make a difference to those around us today, but ultimately 100 years from now the meaningfulness of our existence will best be measured by the batons we pass through to the next generations. Have we made the world a kinder and/or more compassionate place through our actions? Have we passed down values and stories that will help people make sense of worlds we will never see?

Circumstances change, and with it people and society. However most of the plots have already been written and in all likellihood will stay the same; tragedy, hope, fear, jealousy, lust, achievement, pride, joy, peace, love and understanding (what is so funny about it for all you Elvis Costello fans), competition, redemption, aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

I recently discovered and read a journal kept by a relative from an earlier generation. She was writing about people many of whom I never met but have heard about over the years in family lore. Reading her words was almost like sitting around a table and having a cup of coffee with all whom she wrote about. The entries in the journal told of what was going on in their lives at the time and what they thought about them. They all carried and cared for the baton very well, and passed it on to the next generation.

Maybe someday someone I will never meet will read this writing. If they are, I just want to say, “Hey there! How are you doing? I hope you are having fun!!! (read pg. 324 for some dirt on your parents or grandparents) I love you!!! Best Wishes!!!” – John

In the meantime, like many of us I am trying the best I can to make sense of things, and take advantage of this wonderful opportunity called life. The odds of any of us being here are too large to contemplate, and before we know it we will vanish back into whence we came. Best of luck to all of you in your journey and remember to stop and look around from time to time… there just might be something going on that you won’t want to miss.

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There is nothing that compares to the feeling of getting in a car for a road trip on a fine fall day when the air starts to chill and the leaves are erupting in bright colors. What makes this feeling even better is knowing that you are going on this trip with your son, and that you are both excited to be spending time together on a new adventure.

I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to take such a trip with my son Tucker this past weekend. We pointed our vehicle due North and headed up to Father-Son Weekend at Camp Manitowish in Boulder Junction, Wisconsin.

For the past two summers Tucker has attended Camp Manitowish, and I think there is a strong likelihood that he will continue this streak well into the future. Tucker has several “go-to” camp stories that we have already heard dozens of times, and he will gladly tell to anyone who asks (and you might just hear them even if you don’t ask!). After his winter sports seasons ends he begins to think and talk about what the coming Camping Season will bring.

This past Friday, I picked Tucker up early from School and made a quick stop at home for our gear and packs. Since it was a long drive Tucker stepped into the back seat and asked me to put in a movie, but I told him I need someone to ride shotgun for me. He gladly obliged and joined me up front, but then started to put on his headphones to play his ipod. Fortunately I had an answer for that too and he plugged his ipod into the auxiliary jack and was the dj for our ride up. We listened to his songs and talked about the music he liked, which then gravitated to talks about friends, school, and sports.

Before we knew it we were pulling into Camp. Tucker showed me around and gave me the lay of the land. We got there just in time for 2nd dinner bell, which is the pavlovian way the camp has devised to get everyone to dinner on time. 2nd bell means there is 10 minutes left until 3rd bell which is when dinner starts.

The camp had set up a full schedule guaranteed to please the Dads and Sons alike. There were about 30 of us all in, and the array of activities they lined up for us was simply amazing.

We learned about birds of prey, and got to handle bird claws, wings and skulls, and even see a live Kestrel and Hawk up close. We got to paddle sea kayaks and go fishing for Muskie (one was sighted but like most good fishing stories it got away). We learned about gun safety and got to fire shot guns at clay pigeons as well as man the bunker and launch targets. Dads and kids alike challenged themselves and each other on the high ropes course with various fear inducing acrobatics some 20-40 feet in the air (all while safely harnessed to trained counselors). There was also climbing on a wall purchased from the X games, geocaching (a high tech scavenger hunt), craft making, and camping skills demonstrations & practice. Then on Saturday night there were lumberjack games, and camp fire skits, songs, dances, smores, and general silliness. Actually that was the part I enjoyed most… nothing like letting loose and having fun.

Interspersed among these activities were the dinner bells that were well timed to the appetites we were working on throughout the day. The food was great and included a wild game meal of “wild chickens” (whatever they are!) and a game stew which was delicious as long as you didn’t think too hard about what you were eating.

The fellow campers were a great group of people from various locales and walks of life. The common bond joining us was the focus on spending some quality time just being Dads and Sons.

Youth won’t last forever. Tucker is 12 and on the border of establishing more independence, but this weekend reminded us that we can still have a great time together, create new experiences, and start traditions that just might last for generations.

The ride home was fun too. Tucker asked me to tell stories about when I was his age, and I was happy to share those with him. We talked about our plans for skiing that winter and his summer plans for the next camping season, and whether he would take part on the optional hiking trip in the Porcupine Mountains (he decided he will).

All in all it is hard to think of a better way to spend a weekend. Thanks to all who made this weekend possible. The camp’s setting and facilities are amazing and are matched by the quality of counselors who seemed to be having as much fun as the Fathers and Sons. In case you haven’t guessed by now I would highly recommend Camp Manitowish to boys and girls of any age. They sure seem to have a good thing going.

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“You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town.”
– Anne Lamott

I believe many of us can relate to this quote, and it is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I know I have a few “named monkeys” (e.g. procrastination, worry about kids, etc..) that I give piggy back rides to on occasions.

It seems like a good portion of our lives is spent trying to hold things together and/or combating the forces that seem bent on pulling them apart. There always seems to be something coming along that increases the degree of difficulty on what we are trying to accomplish. As Roseanna Roseanna Danna was fond of saying, “It’s always something.”

That said, there is much we can do to shape our lives in a positive direction. Good decision making, effort, and the determination to see something through can lead to many successes along the way. But our ability to influence what others do, say, or think is limited. Despite our best efforts I don’t think we can prevent difficulties from finding us anymore than we can stop waves from crashing on the beach. So very frequently we find ourselves reacting to situations not of our own making at work, socially, or even at home.

One thing that is in our locus of control is how we react to situations around us. I think in the long run this makes all of the difference. As a minor example of this close to home, my wife Pam and I go jogging on a trail near our house and we run into a lot of people walking, running, and biking on the same trail. We usually try to smile and say hello to our fellow recreants as we cross paths. Most reply in a friendly manner, but some are gruff or try their best to pretend that we don’t exist. We are sometimes put off by this response or lack of response, but if you think about it that is just silly. Why should we let our enjoyment depend upon their mood and/or social disposition of strangers we run into? That is giving somebody else a lot of power over our world. It is also true we don’t know what is going on in their lives. It is much better to give them the benefit of the doubt and not be bothered. Little things can add up to big things if we let them, and big things just show up on their own from time to time.

The bigger things are harder to deal with, but we just have to ask ourselves if there is something we can do to make it better. If the answer is yes then we should do those things and worry less. If the answer is no, we should also worry less because we have done what we can. I will admit this is easier said than done, but wasting mental energy on things that we don’t have the power to change is just that, a waste.

Anyway, maybe our monkeys can get together and commiserate over a beer or cup of coffee. And if you see clowns or elephants wandering in your vicinity, don’t panic they are just part of the show…

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Hello Everyone,

Welcome to my blog!  About 30 some years ago I was perusing my parents bookshelf and ran across a copy of Bartlett’s Book of Quotations.   To put it simply I was mesmerized by what I found when I opened the book…the collected distilled bits of wisdom since the beginning of recorded history  all at my fingertips in a format that meshed well with my 13 year-old attention span.

I quickly realized that there was gold in dem der hills and started mining the wisdom represented by the sentences, phrases and anecdotes triple indexed in that book.

Flash forward 20 some years, and I am sitting in a cubicle at an insurance company that specializes in insuring credit unions (and yes it was as dull and miserable as it sounds), and I am desperately searching for a way to infuse meaning in my days and entertain myself and hopefully others.  At the same time I am beginning to toy with the idea of writing as a profession and think a good way to start is by making it my hobby.

And so my technically challenged career as a writer begins, and I start by collecting quotes I admire on various topics from various sources and put together my spin or commentary on said quotes and send them via email to a group of friends and family I believe will enjoy reading them.

Anyway… I don’t know exactly where this will lead (which makes it all the more fun) but I thought I would repost some of those initial e-mails and then keep it rolling with new entries.  If you enjoy these posts, pass them on to friends who you think will enjoy them too, and we will see where it leads together!

Posted below is my first blast e0mail from August 18, 2005:

Date: Thursday – August 18, 2005 2:19 PM

Subject: Food for thought

Hello All,

Just for fun I started a “quote of the day” on my dry erase board at work, which I update every day or so (I know the board should say “quote of the every day or so” – but it takes up too much room).  Anyway, since I currently work in a cubicle, these quotes are seen by very few people.

I have always enjoyed quotations since they are usually from interesting sources, and boil profound thoughts down to a few key phrases,  so I thought I would broadcast them to a wider audience for your enjoyment and/or discussion.

If you don’t want to get future e-mails on this just let me know and I will drop you from the list.

Today’s quote is:

“Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense.” – Carl Sagan

Discuss amongst yourselves.

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